Wanted to share this with you. . .
I have been broken but I haven’t been beat
I have spoken and I won’t admit defeat,
faced my enemy and I faced my fear
no matter what he did to me I’m still here
he took away my youth and he took away my choice
but I now speak my truth cause he couldn’t take my voice
I can take the pain because i became strong
he can keep the shame cause that’s where it belongs,
who I used to be is no longer who I am
and if they all refuse to see, I do not give a damn
I used to feel weak so I would not tell
now they’ll hear me speak and he can rot in hell,
memories i have repressed are getting me depressed
but I’m gonna do my best,
it’s hard and I’m scarred and the pain is real
but the stigma in my brain I plan to heal.
Every day, I grow and even though I know it goes slow
I still go.
I’m happy go luckily when I’m manic
but F*** me when i start to panic
then the depression kicks in –
sad for a minute then I’m manic again
at times i can’t catch my breath
my mind gets consumed with death
not mine, his
it could save a lot of kids if i did put him in the ground
but my kids really need me around,
need me to love and protect them
put them above me and never neglect them,
almost like I can make up for what happened to me
by writing and being the best father I can be.
but it’s hard with C-PTSD and possibly BPD
not sure ‘cause I’m not insured and damn sure not cured
not by a long shot
find myself in the wrong spot,
so to keep my mind right where it needs to be
I wrote this letter to me.
About the Creator
OneOutOf6 ~ Just a male survivor trying to conquer the stigma.