to mother by Dawid Stefanski

to mother

from the day i was born
you gave me nothing but pain
betrayal is your name
you betrayed my love, my trust, my security
mother, because of you all i wanted was to die
and i died everyday
i died when you touched me in an inappropiate way
instead of hugging
i died when you yelled at me when i was hurt
instead of comforting me
i died when you destroyed my toys i cared about
instead of playing with me
i died when you humiliated me in front of other people
instead of teaching me about self-esteem
today i am older and wrecked but strong enough to fight for me
and i am fighting to heal myself
to heal my betrayed love
to heal my betrayed trust
to heal my betrayed security
to heal myself to be able to live
today i don’t want to die anymore
i want to live
i desire life without pain
i desire to love and be loved
i desire to trust and be trusted
and believe me i wil win
because never i desired more to live like now

one day you will die
and maybe then you will be able to forgive yourself
because i will never forgive you for what you had done to me
goodbye mother

Dawid Stefanski